Dominoes

Ok I'm going to just let it all out I guess. Secretly hoping some of my friends don't read this... But even if they do this has to be done. I'll explain the dominoes reference later x

Don't really know where to begin so I'll start with how I think about myself. And I warn you now it's pretty negative and some of my friends will have a lot to say ;P

I've suffered from depression and dont like to talk about it because I feel like I'm making excuses for my bad personality. I hate my big bum. I hate the fact that hate things about myself but don't make the effort to change. I use the word 'can't' too much. I hate annoying others and try not to but we can't deny the inevitable. I hate my pessimism and the way I judge too quickly.
That's the main stuff I can think about now...

Another big thing I hate about myself is the fact that I feel as though I have no best friends any more. They all seem to have someone closer to them that they are more likely to rely on in troubling times. And when I think of the people I have to rely on... Well I don't. Have anyone anymore. And it's the saddest thing I've come to realise in the last couple of days. I don't want a boyfriend. I want a best friend that I can rely on. That will tell me everything without hesitation. Otherwise I feel like I'm musseling in on everyone else's well-earned friendships. And mine have gone down hill. Please tell me I'm wrong. That it's my depression speaking because I feel alone and I've never admitted it before but I am. Very alone. I don't like it.

My friend Björk helped me get the back bone to right this today and I respect her more than she'll ever know. The dominoes reference? It's for her.

One more thing, a little more optimistic;
Tim winter. One of my most recently made and now officially closest friends. Emotionally. Because we have a long distance relationship :(

I'll tell you more about that some other time.

Good bye.
Ps. Björk? Dominoes.